Lumberjack Games---Who knew?
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Major AU! In one universe a 12 year-old Wendy forgets to bring her Ax to the Lumberjack Games...When sent back to get it...she finds the Journal...3 years later Dipper finds...Something?(continued in 'Tales of the falls')
1. Chapter 1

**Lumberjack games...Who knew?**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 ** _For want of a nail the shoe was lost.  
_**

**_Or in this case...for want of an ax...a book was found._**

… ** _..._**

Wendy Corduroy was annoyed. Her dad made her go all the way back to the house just to get a stupid ax! For the stupid Lumberjack game!...It made her so mad! She started swinging the Ax back and forth smacking down everything nearby-

 **CRACK!  
SMACK!  
CRUNCH!  
CLANG!**

Wendy frowned. _Clang?_ She inspected the tree that made the offending sound. She taps the tree with the Ax, which makes more metallic sounds. She wipes away some dust and opens a secret window revealing a mechanical box with two control switches on top. She tests one control but nothing happens. Then she tries the other. Behind her, a hole opens up in the ground.

"What the?" Says Wendy out loud as she looks into the hole...and sees a strange book...

 **...3 years later...**

Dipper Pines wandered aimlessly through the woods setting up signs advertising his uncles shack. "Ugh, Grunkle Stan. Nobody ever believes anything I-

 **CRASH!**

 **GAH!**

Screamed Dipper as he fell into chasm that just opened below him...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Why aren't their more stories where Wendy finds the journal?**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Lumberjack games...Who knew? ch. 2**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **OW!**

 **GAH!**

 **WHY!**

 **RIP!**

 **OW!**

 **SMACK!**

 **CRACK!**

Dipper was falling, he'd been falling for what felt like hours...it was hard to keep track when your constantly smashing into stuff-

 **GAH!**

 **OW!**

 **CRACK!**

 **WHY!?**

 **RIP!**

 **NO!**

 **WHACK!**

 **CRACK!**

Dipper groaned...had he finally reached the bottom?...No, he'd just landed on a pterodactyl...who had just taken off...yep, he's falling again-

 **CRACK!**

 **SMACK!**

 **OW!**

 **CRASH!**

 **RIP!**

 **GAH!**

 **CRACK!**

Dipper whimpered in agony. He was getting the mother of all flying wedgies. His boxers(the only scrap of clothes that hadn't got ripped off on the way down) had snagged on a branch...it hurt like crap!...but at least he wasn't falling anymore.

If he could just reach over-

 **rip**

 _Yep, that figures._ Thinks a now very naked Dipper as he continues his descent-

 **CRASH!**

 **WHACK!**

 **GAH!**

 **NO!**

 **OW!**

 **SMASH!**

 **THUD!**

Finally, Dipper had hit the bottom...he'd broken every bone in his body, he was contorted and messed up six ways to Sunday, he'd be surprised if he hadn't lost several vital organs...But the ordeal was finally-

 **BAM!**

Down went the hammer that Dipper had brought with him to nail up the posters...right on his head...needless to say he feel unconscious...and thus didn't see a certain red-head enter the clearing-

…...

Wendy Corduroy was having...a 'mixed' day. On the one hand, she'd finally vanquished those Blind-Eye Dorks...and secured her families memories of her existence back.

On the other hand...she was now being chased by something much worse. And now she found a very messed up 12-year old boy!

Wendy grimaced. She hated using up her last health elixir...but this kid needed it something fierce!

She quickly administered it and within seconds the boy was completely restored! GAH! Cried the boy as he woke up in shock.

"What just- He stopped and turned scarlet at the sight of Wendy. Wendy sighed...well, she was apparently wearing nothing but a one piece bathing suite...that seemed to be made out of a cloud of constantly-shifting, super-bright fireflies...what did she expect? Also-

Wendy suddenly went deathly pale. "What!? That's impossible! That elixir should have healed everything!" She exclaimed horrified.

The boy looked at her confused. "What are you talking about?" He asked both frightened and bewildered.

Wendy tried to sound as soothing as possible. "Please don't panic. But for whatever reason, my elixir didn't make your wang grow back! It's still gone!"

The boy looked at her mortified and humiliated as he covered himself. "It...isn't gone." Said the boy clearly trying very hard to not cry.

Wendy's eye's widened in realization and also turned scarlet. "Oh...Wow, sorry...The-the lighting here is bad." She lied lamely. "Also, it's...kinda cold...so it's only natural-

"Could you please just give me some clothes!" Demanded an exasperated Dipper.

Wendy was about to oblige...then they heard the battle horn. Quickly Wendy grabbed him and ran. "No time! They've found me!"

And so they ran; King Bowser's Horse-back riding, monkey soldiers in hot pursuit...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **AN: There, apparently has been some confusion. I am still continuing this story. I'm just continuing it in 'Tales of the falls' ;it's easier for me to keep track and organize that way.**

 **As for the rate of updating; that depends on real life, inspiration, will of my lord and savior Jesus Christ...and bribing me with 'Shake up the falls chapters.**

 **Yes, for every ONE chapter of my 'Tales of the Falls' challenge you make, I'll have THREE stories of YOUR choosing updated.**

 **...as long as they follow the requirement below:**

 **SHAKE UP THE FALLS: CHALLENGE!**

 **Primary Objective:**

 **Tired of fanfictions just copying cannon and not doing anything really different? Well, I am!**

 **So I say we do a 'deconstruction' of Dipper and Mabels 'sibling bond'! Through the following-**

 **(BEGIN FLASH-FORWARD)**

 ** _A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck._**

 ** _A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"_**

 **" _Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck._**

 **" _Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left._**

 ** _Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking..._**

 **" _I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"_**

 ** _CRASH!_**

 ** _The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!_**

 ** _The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so._**

 ** _Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them._**

 ** _Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty..._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel._**

 ** _Dipper just hangs his head...and cries..._**

 ** _(FLASH-FORWARD END)_**

 **What I just showed you was a peek into a future after Gravity falls, where Mabel no longer needs to fear growing up...because she doesn't have to! Why would she need to when she has a pushover brother who is willing to sacrifice everything: never getting married, never being independent, never having a life of his own to make her happy?!(in other words: An Enabler/Co-dependent relationship)  
**

 **You can give this vision to whoever you want: Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Pacifica, Stan, Ford, Soos, etc- You can have it sent to them at any time in the series, or have them sent back in time, or do a Peggy Sue! And have them use this knowledge to shatter cannon!**

 **Also Bill Cipher's threat needs to be taken more seriously!(I'm talking actual full-on Armageddon preparation after his first appearance!) And they need to take Gideon seriously when he sends the creepy letters and hosts his TV show(You don't have to kill him, but the Pines Family have to at least Neutralize him...or make some kind preparation to fight him when he breaks out). EXAMPLE: Mable is forced to take Dipper more seriously and not mess with him to survive or The realization that she and her loved one's might die at the end of the summer make Wendy not so hung up on the whole 'age gap' with Dipper and goes out with him.  
**

 **Also, the hero's need to be proactive! When Gideon starts sending creepy letters and making television broadcasts, they need to take care of him(kill or neutralize; either works). All that matters is that they strike first at the first sign of trouble; And don't just have them wait around and do nothing!  
**

 **NO LEMONS, LIMES, YAOI, YURI OR INCEST PLEASE! I HATE THAT STUFF...  
**

 **Secondary objective: the following episodes can't end as they did in cannon!(especially if your doing a Crossover!) If you want to kill Wendy and have Pacifica be the rebound fine. Or you could have Wendy give Dipper a chance after saving him from ghosts...have them go on a couple dates(this can even happen off-screen if it's easier)...Wendy decides it's not going to work...and then land Pacifica on the rebound(that works too) Just do something different!(conversely, you could also just give Pacifica Tyrone and Dipper could have Wendy...just saying...everyone would be happy...)**

 **"The Inconveniencing".(it annoyed me that no one did anything with Wendy's 'stare at wall and rethink everything' statement, I'd appreciate some help there)  
**

 **Time Travelers Pig(call it semantics if you must, but I would never let a girl get hurt just to save a pig. Mabel's just going to have to suck it up and learn she can't have everything)(I'd recommend using Steven Universes 'The Answer' as a template(or it's Aesop at least)) The ending can't be cannon! Especially if your doing a crossover!(Endings where BOTH Waddles and Wendy are saved are also okay)  
**

 **Fight Fighters(none of this band-aid solution 'hate each other in silence' stuff! I want to see an aftermath! Have Wendy find out the truth and be mad at both of them if you have to! Just do something different!**

 **Little Dipper(I would prefer you just skip this episode entirely to be honest) (Or better yet, use Steven Universes 'Too short to Ride' episode as a template)(But if you do, do this episode...skip the 'twins idiotically Argue over the crystal instead of saving themselves and their home from Gideon' Scene. Have Dipper punch out Mabel and use the crystal. Or have Mabel punch out Dipper to use the crystal! Just do something different! Especially if it's Crossover! In that case have someone else punch them and use the crystal!)Considering what Dipper just sacrificed for Mable in Time travelers pig...I've always felt that Mable was more then a bit ungrateful and mean in this episode...  
**

 **Boyz Crazy(I actually have no problem with the ending here believe it or not, but I was annoyed that it was rendered somewhat meaningless since there was no aftermath(between Dipper and Wendy anyway). So...you know...go do your thing. I would recommend using Steven universes 'week of Sardonyx' Arc as a template)**

 **Into the Bunker((take a deep breath)look, you can handle the shipping however you want. But you have to have Mabel equally punished for the trouble(it is her fault they were locked in there in the first place after all). (Preferably where Wendy and Dipper are mad at Mabel and refuse to forgive her.)(their also needs to be an aftermath, Dipper having an honest, real conversation with Wendy about how he still has feelings for her and where they go from here. I'd recommend using Steven Universe episodes 'Mr Greg' or 'we need to talk' as templates)(also please just skip 'Roadside attraction' entirely, please)(if your doing a crossover, and bring someone else down there with them, you have to have them stop Mabel from locking Dipper up!  
**

 **Northwest mansion Noir:(Groan) so much wasted potential. Pacifica's parents just forgive her? Nothing comes from the shipping? Pacifica was nearly killed by Wendy's ancestor, and nothing comes from that?)(P.S. I'm aware that a lot of people have actually fixed that in their fics(for which I'm grateful), I just feel that it needs to be said)**

 **Mabel and Dipper v.s. the future(you do what you want with this...just don't make things so ridiculously one-sided and place all the blame on Dipper as it did in cannon(also, Dipper has to find out about Mabel's deal with Bill))**

 **Tertiary objective:**

 **Dipper V.S. Manliness: I always thought it weird that their was no girl(be it Wendy, pacifica, Tambry, or candy, etc) during his 'man trials'. Whether to beat him at being a 'man', laugh at his loincloth(or if he loses said loincloth, make him embarrassed), be inadvertently a crucial part of his 'trial', or just along for the ride...I just think it's a story possibility that should be explored is all... I also feel that Stan's hypocrisy for badmouthing ABBA while he himself watches 'The Duchess Approves' should be explored...as well as Dipper getting mad at Mable ridiculing him after everything he's done for her,  
**

 **Carpet Diem: It always bugged me that nobody cared about Dippers leg getting chewed off by a wolf, A woodpecker biting out his tongue, or his personal belongings getting vandalized...Don't just slap a band-aid solution 'Status-Quo' approved ending on it...make Dipper mad at Mabel for putting him through all that! Have it be a long messy fight! If you make them reconcile...they BOTH have to earn it!(especially Mable)  
**

 **Summerween: Why is it so horrible for Dipper to want to celebrate Halloween his own way? True, he shouldn't of lied, but slanting the episode to put him completely in the wrong for wanting to have fun his own way...was completely unnecessary! Pleas make this episode more balanced**

 **Dreamscape: For the most part I have no complaints about the episode, but it needs to be at least addressed that Stan only 'toughens' up Dipper while letting Mable do whatever she wants. Also, could someone PLEASE tackle Gideon when he's gloating about the Deed in front of the Pines?**

 **Soos and the real girl(I don't get why Melody should have to leave, I'd rather prefer she stayed and have a sub-plot going with Soos)**

 **Blendin's Game(I mostly had no problem with this...but it always bugged me that no one did anything with the 'young Wendy thinks Dipper is cute' storyline...some assistance here would be most appreciated)(I'd also like to see Wendy's reaction to that)  
**

 **Tale of two Stans:(I'm with my fellow fanficton writers. Their should have at least been a small rift popping up between Mabel and Dipper after Mabel trusted Stan over Dipper(Especially considering she prevented Ford from killing Bill!))**

 **Stanchurian Candidate: I feel it was rather selfish for Stan to put his pride over the safety of his family, when they reveal the mind-control to him and he gets mad, lay it on home how he's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about his family!**

 **The last MabelCorn:** **I feel it was rather selfish for Mable to put her needs over the safety of her family, you can keep the 'Unicorns are selfish jerks' revelation if you want, but also lay it on home how she's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about her family!**

 **Roadside Attraction:(Recommended by Emma Iveli) If you MUST do this episode, Mable has to give Dipper more advice then just 'move on'(seriously, it's a bit weird she didn't help him more with this considering how much she loves matchmaking and knows better then anyone else how socially awkward Dipper is) And she and Grunkle Stan need to get into a big argument over who's advice is more valid. (pointing out the hypocrisy of Mable badmouthing flirting with multiple people, when she dose the same would be funny)  
**

 **Weirdmagedon: (can't think of anything...save for wanting to see a fic. where Ford's Bill-Killing Gun actually works...and Maybe some more character development/bonding between Dipper Wendy...and possibly Pacifica)(Oh, having Wendy comfort Dipper over his 'You can't make someone fall in love, you can only be worthy of love' speech would be nice too)  
**

 **Escape from Reality: JUST BURST THE BUBBLE! Especially if it's a crossover! A 22 minute story wrapped up in 5 minutes! Mabel can just deal with it!(it would also be nice if Wendy, Pacifica, or SOMEONE comforted Dipper about not getting any Valentines, also it be nice if someone reminded Wendy and Soos that their friends and family are suffering and they need to rescue them before they go gallivanting in the bubble).  
**

 **Take Back the Falls: If your doing a crossover, you HAVE to have someone from the Crossover-verse SUCCESSFULLY stop Stan from breaking the circle. By threatening him with death or dismemberment if necessary!**

 **EX: Ford: "Him and I...Grammar Stanley"**

 **Stan is about to beat him...when he feels cold steel pressed against his back**

 **Undyne: "YOU %$ #% one foot from where you are, I'll #% &$%$ kill you!"**

 **Stan gulps nervously...but stays in his place...and the cipher is complete...**

 **NOTE: to all Wendip and Dipifica fans alike...have you considered just making a water proof Tyrone and giving him to Pacifica while Dipper has Wendy? You could literally have your cake and eat it too!**

 **ANOTHER note: crossovers with gravity Falls in this challenge are accepted and encouraged! Let your imagination run wild!(But ONLY as long as you don't have the people from said crossover-verse sitting around useless and not letting them change the plot(let the above 'stop Stan from ruining the circle' be your template for ANY other moments in Gravity falls Cannon)**

 **And one more thing...I'm well aware that this might not be some people's cup of tea...so if you want to adopt ANY of my stories...or give them to a friend/acquaintance. That's fine.**

 **This dose NOT mean I'm discontinuing my stories, I'm just trying to give you more options. I will also allow multiple adoptions, so more then one person can enjoy this!**

 **Well, that's more or less it, good hunting YAH'll!**

 **P.S. just a heads up; I'm finally moving into my own place come Christmas/new years...the place is nice, affordable rent, geographically Convenient, free wi-fi...the only downside is I have to wait THREE MONTHS to get said internet set up, it'll be top quality and FREE...but I have to wait at LEAST that long for it.**

 **A friend of mine said he could get a 'hotspot' set up...but who knows what will happen there.**

 **Bottom Line: If my updates online drop off for a couple months or I won't answer your Messages...that's probably why.**

 **But regardless; merry Christmas and a happy new year!**


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